Wednesday, April 29, 2009

My Life Today - Campbell Farmer's Market

Like most Silicon Valley towns, it wasn't so many years ago that Campbell was known for its orchards and ag businesses. Now it is part of the high tech urban landscape that fills our lush valley from one end to the other, but it has not forgotten its roots. One way in which Campbell is adapting old ways for today, and projecting them into the future is the Campbell Farmer's Market.

Every Sunday morning Campbell closes four or five blocks of the main street in its downtown area and turns it into an open air bazaar. The emphasis is on fresh produce, but there are also plenty of local artists, craftsmen, musicians and more. On a beautiful Spring day it draws quite a crowd.

It costs you nothing but a few minutes to walk through the Farmer's Market, but the rewards are great.   

My Life Today - The Breakfast Bagel

In "Not a Problem to be Solved" I mentioned my recent habit of going for a walk in the morning and stop afterwards at my favorite coffee house. They make wonderful breakfast bagels. Here's one of my favorite garlic bagels and I thought I'd share it with you.


Saturday, April 25, 2009

Doubt Your Doubts, Not the Love

A friend of mine wrote this recently.

Doubt your doubts, not the love. 
Instead of getting lost in the relationship, why not take a moment to find your self. 
Find yourself laughing, enjoying, being in love, deeply in love, starting from the center of your being and spiraling outwards from your core...

I've read it a few times now, and on each occasion I seem to find more meaning and with it more challenge.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Hope and Fear: "A Certain Someone"

I have been generally content with the place where my last blog post left me.  In fact I cancelled two other posts I had scheduled for the following days -- they would simply have been taking up space.  I prefer to post things that provide a glimpse into where I'm at Right Now, and these were not saying anything I really wanted to say at that point in time.  No, I've been content just to "be", even in the midst of all the doings of my busy daily life. 

I've also been just a little distracted since I read last week on Tiggy's blog that she was considering contacting "a certain someone."  Now I could be wrong, but I don't think she was talking about her tax advisor.  It could be some new prospective lover.  Or it could be me.

I keep checking my inbox.  Nothing. The mailbox at my apartment broke this week, and the Post Office is holding our mail. So I went to the P.O to get it. Nothing.

My thoughts and feelings in response seem somewhat confused, my reaction ambiguous.  So I've tried to step back and examine myself.  Here's what I've come up with ...


I do hope she contacts me.  I'll admit it: I would like it very much. 
  • I hope we can communicate better.
  • I hope that we can see each other.
  • I hope we can actually be friends.
  • I even hope we might be lovers again.


But I'm also afraid.  
  • Afraid of what exactly we will say to each other. 
  • Afraid it is too soon to break the cocoon of our self-imposed healing isolation, disrupting the metamorphosis of our relationship into some kind of butterfly.
  • Afraid that the magic will be gone.
  • Afraid that she really does have a new lover.
Remember the old Carly Simon song, You're So Vain?

"You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you"?

I have wondered if it isn't pure vanity for me to imagine that Tiggy's "certain someone" could be me.  This possibility bothered me for a while, but now I think it's just a smokescreen for narcissistic false modesty.  Hey, I accept that it could be anyone else: a new flame, an old lover, a relative, a friend or even the taxman.  But I do have a shot at this myself.

And when something good seems to be a possibility, haven't we all been told, "Don't get your hopes up."  But why not?  Why shouldn't we "get our hopes up"?  I would rather feel the hope -- and, it may be, the disappointment too -- than live in a grey void where only certainties are admitted into our feelings.  So yeah, get it up!  Those hopes I mean.

Now what about all those fears?  Hope seems to attract a lot of little fears, running around like so many cockroaches in the kitchen.  In this case, the fears mostly arise from the mystery that has arisen between us: we have unfinished business and it attracts those bugs like leaving the honey out on the counter.  But turn on the lights, and the bugs will scatter.  Put away the food and they won't come back.

Tigs, you're the peanut butter for my honey, the bread for my jam, the wine for my cheese.  So when you're ready, let's clear the table and talk.