Monday, May 5, 2008

On Love

The mind staggers at the thought of how much has been written about "love". Perhaps this is why writing was invented. Certainly love is the reason for the existance of Apollo's Fire.

I love my wife, "E". We met in late 1978 and married less than a year later -- we've been married over 28 years. Through that time I've demonstrated my love in many ways: I've fully supported her (i.e. she has not held a paying job since we've been married) and provided for her. I've encouraged her in whatever she has wanted to do. We've had lots of dates and travels together (though she would say it hasn't been enough). We have four kids together and I've done my best to share the load of raising them.

I do the laundry, I pay the bills. She won't clean house so we have a cleaning service. And I used to be very affectionate, but not so much anymore.

I have loved E in many concrete and real ways that go beyond feelings or emotions.

But in the past year I concluded that our sex life was irretrievably broken, and I sought a new partner. Eventually I found one and discovered a whole new world of happiness. So that makes me "unfaithful", an "adulterer", a "cheating husband". Ok, but I still love E and I continue to prove it every day.

Some will say that being sexually unfaithful proves that I don't love my wife. I disagree. I'd say a man who doesn't provide for his wife, or doesn't encourage her dreams, even if he's sexually faithful, is not showing love, just need or possession.


But my dilemma is this: to weigh my own happiness against her happiness. To break her heart and shatter the relationship that we have, so I can pursue the hope of greater happiness with someone else. Or is it better to just wait?

Tiggy ended our affair last month, and shook the dust off her feet as she left, because she could no longer stomach her role as "The Other Woman". I respect that, but I'm sad about it -- it was working fine for me.

2 comments:

Lavender Fields said...

I was married over 20yrs and im now single.I think you can have a sexual relationship with out the emotional commitment and just enjoy it for sex.I don't think it means you love your wife any less,although im not sure she'd feel the same way .

Apollo Unchained said...

Hey Anna Louise, thanks for the comment. Yeah I think you've nailed it: I don't love my wife any less but she would certainly not feel the same way.

But what would you say about a sexual relationship with an emotional commitment? That's me. I'm curious if you believe that would indeed diminish my love for my wife.

 
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