Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Suddenness of Change

Four Weeks Ago
You let me tie you to the bed and fuck you silly, then, after an elegant dinner, finger you in the front seat of my car parked by the cliff. You sent me flowers with a sweet note.

Three Weeks Ago
We made love for an hour, then went to the spa and made love some more before enjoying a fine dinner together.

Two Weeks Ago
After a beautiful dinner you told me about your new boundaries and returned my token. In the days afterward you sent me kindness and compassion. You broke up with style and grace and there was hope for our friendship.

One Week Ago
We spoke on the phone, you told me you would "nurture the friendship and not the romance". The loss is very hard for me but there was hope for our friendship.

Then ...
I started to write.
You stopped replying to my emails, and finally sent me the shortest possible response.
You deleted every single one of your posts from our blog.
You deleted the account you used to post to our blog.
I've offended you in something I wrote, but I don't know what.

You had spoken often of the inevitability of breaking up. And I knew that it was hard on you that I am married -- you do not relish the role of "The Other Woman". So it did not completely surprise me when that moment came. But the hardest is for you to disappear at the end, without a word.

I can't escape the feeling that I must be cruelly insensitive in some way, to have triggered this in you.