Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My Vasectomy Part 1 - The Decision

My wife had a tubal ligation after our fourth child, so I hadn't thought about birth control for many years.

But my life has changed, and it changed even faster when I met my sweet, lovely and charming (and fertile) Tiggy. We use condoms, but the loss of sensation is problematic for me. And sometimes they come off inconveniently. We also apply the rhythm method, but we both know that is a baby waiting to happen.

So when Tiggy told me that she had been discussing birth control options with her doctor, I began to think more seriously about my own responsibility. Why should the burden be all on her? I mulled this over for a while. Then after she posted her birth control survey on alt.com I did some investigation and made a decision.

Vasectomy is safer, cheaper, more reliable, and has less side effects than any other birth control method except abstinence. It is a one-time fix, rather than a continuing investment. And it is potentially a good way to show your honey that you care: you are relieving her of a considerable financial and health burden. The big V seems like a much more equitable solution.

But it's not reversible. So you and your partner had better be on the same page in this regard. In my case I was surprised, even though I'm 54 years old with four kids, to find a significant mental obstacle here. I had to unequivocally abandon the notion of having any more children. And even though it was awkward (the idea that Tiggy might want my baby seemed pretty unlikely), I did talk with her about it as well.

And it's not a quick fix either! One thing about vasectomy that I didn't realize immediately is that you're not considered "safe" until after two sperm tests. And even though the literature talks about a month or two, or "20 ejaculations", my doctor wants to conduct them 3 and 4 months after the procedure (I will probably get them sooner).

So are you a good candidate for a vasectomy? I hope my experience will help you decide.

My Vasectomy Part 2 - The Choices

Incision vs. "No Scalpel"


In the "standard" vasectomy procedure (shown in the first diagram), the doctor uses a scalpel to make two incisions in your scrotum, one on each side.


But there's a newer "No Scalpel" technique that makes just one very small hole. It's so small it doesn't even need stitches. The idea is that it will hurt less and heal faster. If you're really curious you can check out "No-Scalpel Vasectomy: An Illustrated Guide for Surgeons". It's got all the info, and lots of drawings.

Anesthetic: Needle or No Needle


An even newer innovation is "no needle" anesthesia. The classic "needle" method is shown in the middle picture above. I wouldn't want those pliers anywhere near my nuts. But the real reason why the "needle" method is painful is that the doctor is not just sticking a needle in your ball sac, but then he has to thread it up along the vas deferens for a ways:





So check out this alternative:





Existing technique vs. no needle approach


The traditional method of vasectomy involves inserting a needle into the scrotum to anesthetize the area around each vas deferens prior to surgery - a key reason why the procedure can be painful.

With the new, no needle approach to vasectomy, the physician can anesthetize the surgical area with a jet anesthetic device, which delivers the numbing agent without use of a needle.


Now that's what I'm talking about. Yeah.

My Vasectomy Part 3 - The Doctor

Find Doctors Near You

Once I had made the decision to get a vasectomy the next step was to find a doctor. For most of you, this just means asking your regular doctor for a referral. He or she may even want to perform the procedure themselves, though I would recommend seeing a specialist.

I chose to bypass my regular doc and find a specialist myself. I have PPO insurance so it doesn't make any financial difference, and I wanted the extra measure of privacy.


Finding a specialist was as easy as typing 'vasectomy san jose' into Google and then checking out the results. Among others, this included the referral service at vasectomy.com.


Choices

I chose a doctor who offers the so-called "No Scalpel" technique because it promised significantly less discomfort and faster recovery. He also uses "no needle" anesthesia, another recent innovation.

Consultation


The next step was to call the doctor's office and schedule a consultation appointment. I got an appointment in less than a week. To save time in the office they emailed me some forms to fill out.


The day of the consultation, I checked in and gave the receptionist my forms. She collected a $10 co-payment. The doctor was running about 30 minutes late, but when I got in to see him things went pretty fast. He asked me a few simple questions to gauge my readiness for this procedure.

  • Am I married?

I'm pretty sure that if you are married, they will want your wife's signature on something so they won't get sued. If you think it's none of their business, just say "no".

  • How long have I been thinking about a vasectomy?

I told him, "About a year." This is not strictly true, but I didn't want it to sound like I was there on a whim.

  • How many children do I have?

I think the purpose of all these questions is to evaluate whether the patient is likely to want to reverse the procedure. I do have four kids, and if that weren't enough, I reminded him that I am 54 years old. I'm probably an ideal vasectomy candidate, and he seemed to agree, because there were no more questions after that.

During the consultation, I didn't have to pull down my pants at all. He's seen enough dicks and balls and there's nothing about mine that would have made any difference.

We talked a little about the procedure and he answered a few remaining questions I had, mostly about recovery. Then he sent me back to reception.

Scheduling Your Procedure

The next available date for the procedure was about a week later. You're supposed to abstain from sex (or at least from coming) for a week afterwards, so keep that in mind when you pick the day. Don't get snipped three days before your wild weekend in Carmel.

You may be thinking that you'll want a day off from work afterwards, but forget it. With the "no scalpel" procedure you should be fine.

My Vasectomy Part 4 - The Procedure

My appointment was at 4:30, and I spent the day over the hill in Santa Cruz, visiting my sweet Tiggy. I was happy that she was willing to drive back over to San Jose with me for my appointment, and then drive me back to her house. We weren't sure whether I was going to feel like driving right afterwards.

At about 1:30 Santa Cruz experienced a significant hail storm. We worried that Highway 17 would close, so decided to head back over the hill now. Then we could have a late lunch over there before my procedure. This worked fine: the road was open despite several accidents and we spent a contented hour or so at Los Gatos Coffee Roasting.

Got to the doc's office right at 4:30, then waited 20 minutes or so. Finally they whisked me back to the "operating" room.  Tiggy asked whether I wanted her to come back with me.  I said no, but soon wished I had said yes. It would have been unique experience for her, and since we had already shared so much of this process I think it would have made it more complete.

The nurse told me to take off my pants and underwear and sit on the table. She gave me a sort of paper blanket to put over myself. Then she left, giving me privacy to undress and wait another 10 minutes or so. 


Finally the doc came in. He had me move knees a bit, giving him easy access to my nuts. But it was no big deal, my feet weren't in stirrups or anything like that. I'm pretty sure the nurse came back in too, though I don't think she did much. The doctor washed my crotch with that orange anti-bacterial soap they love so much. Then he felt around my nuts for the vas deferens (the tubes that will be cut and clipped), and finally began putting some cream or gel on my scrotum.

We were chatting about his data recovery problems with his computer while he worked on me.  Every now and then I could feel some activity, but nothing alarming.  Finally I realized that he had already anesthesized me (using the "no needle" procedure I mentioned in part 2) and had already clipped my right vas!

After about 20 minutes he was all finished. He had me reach down and firmly hold a piece of gauze pinched over the tiny opening he had made in my scrotum. He left me alone holding the gauze for about 5 minutes, then the nurse came back in to tidy up.

She told me I could stop holding the gauze, then showed me the sections of vas that had been cut out. They are just little tubes about 1/16" in diameter with a reddish color, and each cut section was about 1/2" long.

At that point we were all done, it was time to get dressed. Before I put on my clothes I pulled away the gauze so I could see the incision, but I couldn't even find it, it was so small. No stitches with this method.

Before we left the office they gave me two little sample cups and some paperwork for the lab. These were to be used to collect and process sperm samples. The first was to be done three months after the procedure and the second a month later.

Overall, we were at the office just a little more than an hour.

When Tiggy and I left, we drove to the store and got some Tylenol and a bag of frozen broccoli. I took two Tylenol and stuck the broccoli in my crotch, while Tiggy drove us back to Santa Cruz in the rain.

Later, at her house I wanted to show her my incision. But we both had trouble finding it, it was so small, until I finally realized I had a small swollen area at the very upper part of the scrotum, just below the penis. The mark was in that area, but it was so small it could just as well have been a freckle.

When I finally left Tiggy's and drove home later that evening, I kept the broccoli in my crotch. And that night I felt fine. There was certainly no pain, and very little swelling.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Blue Pill

The little blue pill is in my pocket, wrapped in kleenex, as I start my drive over the hill. I have debated with myself for hours when I should take it. If we're going to get it on before lunch, then I should take it now. But if we're going to eat first, then I should wait.

Should I even take it at all?

Heading out of Los Gatos I make my decision and reach into my pocket.

The road up the grade to Lexington twists a lot, I'm driving fast, and my jeans are tight. It takes time and effort, but I am pleased when I feel the soft white tissue firmly in my fingers.

Carefully I tear the paper -- wouldn't want to lose Pfizer's blue masterpiece -- then glance down to see it nestled in the fuzz. Good.

Traffic is heavy and I have to keep a careful eye out. With one hand I move to extract the pill only to glimpse, with my peripheral vision, as it falls into my lap. Damn.

The four lanes of Highway 17 are wedged between the cliffs and the creek as they climb out of the Santa Clara Valley. The lanes are narrow, and there seem to be mere inches between fast lane drivers and the central barricade.

And that's where I am, hurtling up the hill in heavy traffic, with an important blue pill in my lap. I want that pill.

The turns are surprisingly tight, the cars in front of me are apt to brake at any time, and there doesn't seem to be much space on my left either. I'm feeling in my crotch for a small round object. Nothing. I feel in the creases of my jeans. Nothing. I take a chance and look down. Nothing.

The taillights ahead of me blink red. Instantly both my hands are on the wheel and I'm slowing gently to match. Then we're off at speed again.

My hand is back between my legs. But not for pleasure. Groping under both thighs. Nothing. Under my balls? Still nothing! Finally, desperately, way back, back under my seat, right under my butt crack: I feel it. I seize it. The little blue pill emerges from beneath me, clutched carefully between thumb and forefinger.

Briefly I consider the sanitary conditions on my car seat. No matter. Down the hatch.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Buying Enough Rope to Hang Myself

I told the girl at West Marine on Point Loma that "I'd like 120 feet of 3/8 braided rope, please." This is nice polyester double braid, good quality. Sure you'd pay more for your running rigging but this still isn't cheap, about $1/foot.

Pleasant young girl. Even before I show her the reel I want she solicitously asks, "What are you going to use it for?"

I'm going to tie up my girlfriend.

"Well, just different things." How lame. Why didn't I just say "docklines"?

She seems a little disappointed. I'm thinking she probably wants to give me advice on what type of rope to use, but I'm doubtful whether she knows much about bondage.

We take a look at the intended reel of beautiful white braid. As she moves the winding machine over to it she asks if I want it cut into lengths.

"Oh thanks, that would be great. I'd like four 30-foot pieces."

Her expression changes. Uh-oh. "Oh, that's interesting," she says, as she begins winding it out. "What do you plan to do with all those pieces?"

We're learning Shibari.

"Well, I'm teaching a class on knots." Shit, where did that come from? Hope she doesn't ask me to show her a knot.

"How great! Where are you teaching?" I'm a terrible liar, what the hell am I doing?

"Well, it's up in the Bay Area," and I explain truthfully that I'm visiting San Diego, blah blah blah. This changes the subject for a while, but not long.

"Are you teaching at a community college?"

No, it'll be in a nice hotel room in Carmel.

"Oh no, it's really just, um, a few friends." Oh, that's credible.

Something about her reaction tells me I would have been better off if I'd just started out with, "I'm going to tie up my girlfriend."

But next time this happens I've got my answer ready:

"Have you ever heard of Shibari?"

Personalities


I just retook alt's Myers-Briggs personality test. This time I'm The Innovator. I like the sound of that a whole lot better than The Wheeler-Dealer, which was my previous result.

But I was pleased to see that they really are not too different:

The InnovatorENTPExtraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiver
The Wheeler-DealerESTPExtraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiver


In fact I think I really am more analytical than intuitive, so maybe ESTP is more accurate. But I don't like the label, "Wheeler-Dealer" -- that's not me.

Alt's results for "The Innovator" say that I'm most compatible with "The Wheeler-Dealer" or with The Scholar (INTP - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiver). But I think I'm most compatible with "The Gypsy Poet-Priestess Porn Queen" ...

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Can I Come Yet?




me [8:28am]: Annoyed with myself, just learned i could have changed my alt username without creating a new account.

she [8:30am]: Spank yourself!

she [8:37am]: And no coming!


me [10:24am]: Can i come yet?

she [10:30am]: No

me [10:44am]: Yes mistress. You're so good to me.

me [10:48am]: May i imagine myself straddling your oiled back? my dick rubbing between your butt cheeks?

she [11:57am]: Yes

me [12:05pm]: And now may i imagine myself sucking on your clit while your wrists are tied to the bed?

she [12:08pm]: Okay

she [12:13]: Your last message didn't load. Try again?

me [12:18pm]: I think you got it all so far. After spanking myself at your request i was then straddling your oiled butt, then sucking your yummy clit.

she [12:23pm]: Naughty man.


me [12:24pm]: Now ice, and my warm soft tongue. You struggle a little.

she [12:26pm]: Purr purr


me [1:14pm]: And now i'm massaging your feet and legs while describing your many good and excellent qualities. Your wrists are still tied and you may not speak except to say "yes you're right."

she [1:28pm]: Okay

she [1:55pm]: Don't cum yet!

me [3:03pm]: Now i'm tenderly kissing the inside of your knees while fondling your thighs. You're still tied, so i've slid my hips under your legs with my legs passing under your shoulders. My balls are pressed firmly to your writhing pussy.

she [3:21pm]: Not yet!

she [4:03pm]: Not yet... soon...

she [4:49pm]: Still no...

me [5:04pm]: Your hungry pussy licks my dick into hardness. Aching for your embrace, nevertheless i leave your arms tied as i bend forward onto you and thrust myself into your welcoming vagina.

she [5:12pm] Are you carpooling home now?

me [5:13pm]: Not until we come.

she [6:14pm]: Now.

me [6:14pm]: Our urgency increases as your back arches and twists against the ropes that bind your wrists.

she [6:17pm]: Ooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahihighiihighii


me [6:19pm]: I reach up and with a powerful tug release one wrist and then the other. Your arms enfold me and pull our bodies closer than i ever thought possible.

me [6:36pm]: Your eager hips are equal to my hunger; my penis explodes with motile fire as we shout together. Aaaaiiiiyyyeeeeee!!!

she [8:08pm]: My signal died - just got msg - can I come now?!?!